I wanna have my own flat :(
there is something fascinating about raw rocks. uncut diamonds, tourmaline, aquamarine, even geodes and quartz wtf
So I’m watching a documentary about the Kubrickian code in The Shining even though I have analyzed The Shining over and over for years and have watched it to the point of memorizing everything now what does that make me.
Netflix nites are knowledge nites
It will hurt like a B, but you will survive. And you will move on. And if you’ve learned your lesson then you will know not to settle for anything less.
It will happen; some things pass, some feelings disappear, and some people leave. If they’ve been there for a relatively short time then it’s a lot easier, but if you’ve built your world around them you will miss them and you will have regrets and denial and anger and despair.
Like clockwork, you woke up in the morning and saw that good morning text, moments you involuntarily said “i love you” in your mind, how you traced their name on every surface, every song you heard was about them, every feature on their face you’ve had memorized and their voice already recorded in your head as a sample, everything on loop, like routine, like clockwork.
And then it’s gone; and the thread that held your world together snaps, your senses seem to betray you as nothing tastes right and no one sounds right and nothing seems to fit; that throbbing, shattering, pulsating feeling from the pit of your stomach that makes your heart stop and your throat gag, nothing makes sense and nothing feels right. And you will feel helpless and you will not know what to do and nobody understands because something you held on to so dearly is suddenly gone, and you cannot do anything about it because you cannot control it.
And you will think of things, terrible hurtful things that you shouldn’t be thinking about but you can’t help but think about them anyway. Who are they with now, who is making them smile, who is stroking their hair and whose lips are onto theirs, who are they sleeping with, where do they go on dates? Do they check into the same hotels, do they eat at the same restaurants? Do they tell each other things that you used to tell each other and do they do the things you used to do? Do they call each other with the same pet names? Are they planning for the future and are they serious enough to get married?
And these things won’t stop bothering you so you have to go out with some friends and meet new people, get drunk and get high, try to stay up until sleep knocks you down entirely because the moment right before you sleep is when all these thoughts are most vivid. You will cry and it will suck and you will feel terrible. But in time you will realize how fun it is to be single, so do whatever the hell you want while you’re at it, find yourself first, and when you finally meet someone deserving you can give yourself to them. And the past will be a joke and the present would be all there is.