How hard is it to ask for a sign?
Just woke up to one of the worst fucking dreams ever and I really hate situations like these when I’m okay when I’m awake and with friends but fucking terrible when I’m alone or when I wake up. I have felt this exactly a year ago but then I had a lot of outlets because I was young and wild and free. And now I don’t know where I stand but fuck you right, I will never let anyone get in my way if I have to destroy you I will and I will do it strategically and passionately, see if I care about anybody else’s feelings and problems. Fuck. When it’s my turn I will fucking crush you under my heel.
Never tried those
Denne’s Quarterlife Log 010
Today we celebrated jessa’s birthday eating weird things at a korean buffet. I don’t think i’ll want anything korean for another 10 months. We also had ice cream talk at Z while I was speaking in my best accent for english because i am punishing myself lol.
I have also watched The Godfather trilogy, and I understood nothing and had to go through the plot because there were just too many names and people appearing from nowhere. Boo for my faded italian pick up skills. But i was really uneasy with the entire catholic theme, killing people then saying hail marys. Weird religion.
I was really happy with my last kid today though, a very cute 3 year old boy who managed to communicate to me in more than 5 words today (we started with 1-2 word utterances, that with poor imitation).
My throat hurts like sandpaper but my voice is awesome and warm and deep like hot chocolate right now i can go for a little song.
I bailed on training. I think i’ll just do it on wednesday.
Also, fappening. Why would people want to take pictures of their jiggly bits and j—— ok tmi. Anyway. If i had someone to share my bodyparts with umm thats for his eyes only so no saving pics pls?
I should be asleep.
Goal 10: privacy.
Denne’s Quarterlife Log #009
Yesterday I watched 4 movies in all and today I attempted to watch The Godfather trilogy but I only got through part 1 because I had to stop and read through the plot because I understood nothing. Also today I woke up near 4PM so I only got to do my grocery shopping at 7:30PM while secretly eyeing this guy who was buying like an entire year’s worth of chicken and toilet paper.
I’m trying to set the mood for myself to actually do something and put pen to paper and plans to actions.
Which reminds me. Oh my lawd it’s September already?! I know I shouldn’t be looking back in anger but my life seriously got turned around this month last year. And when I think about it… It’s been a year?! Sweet baby jesus that is quick. I see a pattern too because my support system is backing me up, it’s fun to know you got people behind you. Though I wish I had a solid backing people crowd cos everyone else is so busy and far away and sometimes nobody’s available for little old me.
I’ve been telling myself “I love you” a lot. Better love myself first solid before I look for it in another person, right??
Goal #9: connect.